I have suffered many disappointments in my life. Like the time I didn’t make the Harlem Globetrotters, and when I lost my collection of potato chips that resembled movie stars from the 80’s. My most recent disappointment came from Dale Talde and his latest project Pork Slope. After a panty dropping meal at Talde, I was excited to see what he was going to do with everyday bar food. I like nachos, I like pulled pork, I like tater tots, how could I lose? What I don’t like is waiting hours on end for a table, so I waited almost a year for all the culinary hypebeasts and Yelpers to find another craze to follow.
Pork Slope is supposed to simulate a honky-tonk or a dive bar. Funny, I don’t ever remember seeing any baby strollers in any of those places… welcome to the new Brooklyn. We grabbed a seat closest to the front of the restaurant, and as I looked around I noticed that the place was half empty on a Saturday night. Was I missing something? As I looked around I noticed the bar’s impressive selection of whiskeys including a bottle of Pappy Van Winkle and a selection of more than twenty beers on tap. My friend and I took a quick skim through the menu and this is what we got.
Nachos ($8/$11): You have an option for a small or large size. Tortilla chips topped with chili, jalapenos, cheddar, tomatoes, onions. Crowned the best nacho’s in NYC, and I could see why. The chips were super fresh and had a nice crispy, toasty warmth to them. I could eat these all day and all night.
Pulled Pork Sandwich ($13): BBQ sauce, pickles, sesame potato roll. The sandwich was the most pedestrian piece of pork I’ve eaten in a while. Not really juicy, not really messy, barely any flavor. You would think a place with the word “pork” in it would have the pulled pork sandwich game on lock.
Brisket Sandwich ($14):
BBQ sauce, pickles, Texas toast. You call this Brisket? Now, don’t let
the picture fool you, this monstrosity of a sandwich tasted like an old
catcher’s mitt sitting out in the desert sun. The meat was so dry that I
had to drink water as I chewed on the sandwich. The Texas toast was
hard as a rock, I was going to keep a slice with me just in case any
Park Slope parents got out of hand.
Tater Tots ($5): These were actually good. Really crispy in texture, not overly greasy, and with right amount of salt to give it a little flavor.
The food at Pork Slope was really unimpressive. One thing Pork Slope got right was their extremely bad service. My friend and I waited well over 30 minutes for our nachos in a half empty restaurant. After our Nacho’s finally hit the table, so did our sandwiches two minutes later. No apologizes, no “let me take something off your bill,” nothing. Where’s the hospitality? I can make a pulled pork sandwich and nachos in the comfort of my own home in boxers and bumping Action Bronson. I go out to eat because I am looking to enjoy myself and not have to constantly wonder “where the fuck are my nachos?”
Pork Slope 247 5th Ave, Brooklyn, NY 11215 www.porkslopebrooklyn.com
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